OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
