Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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