Pappa wants mamma naked
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
