Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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