Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
