hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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