I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
