4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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