Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
