the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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