When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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