Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
