Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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