what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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