It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
