Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm always down for nudity.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
