you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
