I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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