So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is it penis luge time yet?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
