My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
