i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize