This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
