We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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