1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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