so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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