Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
