just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
