Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
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i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have aggressive nipples.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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