Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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