she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i will never coherently bang her
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
