i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
