ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
