Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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