I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
