these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
