i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
