well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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