I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
