the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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