made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Its about making memories worth repressing
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
