You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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