dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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