They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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