he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
