She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize