this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
