Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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