fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think a kid would responsible me up
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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