My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
