i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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