I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
