i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
