If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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