I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
