So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
