WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
