well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
