If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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