i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
