I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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