On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
