So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
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Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
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Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize