so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
