I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
