we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
