you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
