Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
