The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
