Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
