Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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