we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
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You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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