I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
