How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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