If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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