My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Randomize
