Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
