i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
