Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
