i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
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Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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