True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
