Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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