That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
