Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
