youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
